How To Deal with Youngster Custody Settlement After A Divorce
When children are involved in a divorce, it becomes more difficult for parents. Not only does each spouse experience their own personal grief over the failure of the marriage, they also have to lead the children through this difficult time.
While children are far more resilient than many of us think they are, it is important that parents pay attention to their needs during this incredibly difficult period in their lives. Many children, especially the very young, will blame themselves for their parents’ separation. That is never the case, of course, but a young ghost really doesn’t know any better. For this reason, family lawyers always speak to parents about the need to care for their children during the divorce. After the custody agreement is in place, be it through a friendly decision or through a judge’s deacon, learn how to best deal with the children in the first months and years after the divorce.
Stick to the agreement
Many separated parents begin with the very best of intentions to be friendly with the other parent after a divorce and custody agreement. However, in many cases, this can eventually turn sour. In some situations, this happens when a spouse finds a new partner, but in most cases it comes down to not doing their side of the custody agreement. A good relationship can mean that for certain reasons there is scope to swap care days. Unfortunately, however, we often see a parent failing their side of the deal, and this can result in fractions. A child needs both parents in its life and therefore custody agreements are primarily made. It is important for the best interests of the children that both parties do what they have agreed to do.
Find family therapy
Finding professional support for your children during this difficult time doesn’t make anyone a bad parent. In fact, by finding family therapy options and trying them out, parents will do something incredible that could actually benefit the child greatly. Children don’t always want to talk to their parents about these ingrained feelings, and they’re more likely to talk to a trained professional. If your children harbor these feelings, they can cause harm in the long run. For this reason, family therapy can be worth trying. If you take your child to a professional and don’t want to talk to them, at least you’ve tried.
Live a normal life
It is perfectly normal for one parent to feel guilty about the child because they are no longer with the other parent. In such situations it often happens that the parents shower the child with gifts or take them with them for special days. It is never wrong to spoil your children, but this shouldn’t become the new normal. What children need in their life during this turbulent time is some degree of stability and that is what you should focus on, staying as close to normal as possible. This can be true when you see your child hurt, of course, but it is critical to their long-term emotional wellbeing.
Discussion about the ex
Whatever your feelings about your ex, you should never express them in front of your children. Unfortunately, we often see parents trying to verbally abuse the other in front of their children, which is completely unfair to the child. You may have lost your partner, but for your children, that is still their parent. Any feelings your kids have about your ex should be something they decided based on the way they are treated by them and what they see of them.
Use the children
In cases where the divorce was not amicable, some parents use the children to help win their exes back. This could be denying them the time or doing the opposite to harass the other parent. Again, this is a situation in which no parent should ever involve their children in bad feelings they have about their ex-partner. The children are completely innocent in this situation and any problems you may have are between you and your ex-spouse. It is a selfish act to use the children as pawns in this chess game.
Both parties are obliged to notify the court if anything changes in their personal circumstances. A custody agreement is not set in stone and can be adapted and changed to meet new children’s needs. If you lose your job, get promoted, or perhaps want to move away, it is imperative that you notify the court so that changes can be made. The length of time a child is in the care of either parent can easily be changed, and child maintenance fees can also be changed according to circumstances. This is even more true if you lose touch with your ex or stop talking. The court can decide what to do based on the new information presented to it.
This is not a good situation for everyone, but the most important people in this situation are the children. What happens in the months and years after a divorce will affect the child’s development, which is why managing their emotions is so important. It may take some strength on your part, but it is important to make sure that your children get through this situation as unscathed as possible. This should be the approach of both parents in these circumstances.
This article does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the editors or management of EconoTimes.