YORK BEACH, Maine — It was the night of Rhonda Pattelena’s candlelight vigil, held on Good Friday, a week after her brutal slaying at Short Sands Beach. Her younger sister, Jessica Pattelena, stayed on the beach until midnight, wandering in the night and collecting seashells. Fireworks were set off over the beach to honor Rhonda Pattelena, her sister said. 

After the vigil, her lifelong friend, Kristina DeSimone, dreamed of herself and Rhonda as children.

“I could just see her face and every freckle … we walked out to a big beach, laid a blanket down, and she goes, ‘Krissy, I love you, but I can’t come back. I have to go now.'”

In the dream, Rhonda then released balloons and walked into the ocean, disappearing underneath the waves. Although it’s hard for her to do, DeSimone now goes to the beach to remember her friend and lift herself out of her depression, just as Rhonda had always done for her.

Although Jessica Pattelena said she hopes the beach will continue to be a peaceful place, she acknowledged how strange it was to wake up the next morning after the vigil for sunrise and see people walking on the beach, as if nothing had happened. Rhonda would want life to continue, her sister said, and she would also want justice.

The temporary roadside memorial that was placed three months ago near the rocky edge of Short Sands Beach in York isn’t there any longer.

The family of 35-year-old Rhonda Pattelena, of Bedford, Massachusetts, came and retrieved the remaining flowers, hearts and mementos that had been placed there in her memory after she was killed March 26 in what authorities are calling a case of domestic violence. Her boyfriend, 33-year-old Jeffrey Buchannan, is charged with her murder. 

A horrific attack on a beach that held sunny memories

Witnesses and police described a horrific public attack in broad daylight. Rhonda Pattelena’s friends and family said the scene played out on a beach she had enjoyed visiting since childhood — a beach where she had made many sunny memories that reflect the person she was, a woman full of empathy, who enjoyed playing pranks and who had a “ginormous” heart. 

Now, as the pieces that once formed Rhonda Pattelena’s temporary memorial are carefully packed away, her loved ones are speaking out against domestic violence, living their “best lives,” as they know she would want them to do, and working to install a more permanent tribute. 

‘Heartbreaking’:York community reeling after slaying at Short Sands Beach

A picnic table with a plaque bearing Rhonda Pattelena’s name will be placed this fall near Long Sands Beach, to commemorate her life, Jessica Pattelena said. 

Friend, mother, beloved sister

Jessica said her sister was the type of person who wouldn’t allow you to sweep your problems under the rug.

“People say they’ll be there for you no matter what, but then you call and most people don’t have time to really do that for you,” Jessica said. “When it came to Rhonda, she would always pick up. She would do anything to make sure that everyone was OK.”

A formative moment that made Rhonda the caring person she was as an adult came when she was about 16 years old, Jessica Pattelena said. That’s when their father died after a long stint in a nursing home. 

This event, Jessica said, was likely the reason Rhonda later worked in a nursing home as a medical assistant and why she was studying to become a nurse, to take care of people in need and help patients feel like they had family close by — which can be hard to accomplish with limited visiting hours, she added. Rhonda had dreams of having a successful career, five children and a loving, tight-knit family, her sister said. 

Rhonda Pattelena was a precocious child and grew up in Burlington, Massachusetts, with two younger siblings, whom she often lovingly teased in the ways that big sisters do, Jessica said. Rhonda lit up every room, was extroverted by nature and loved to dance, she added.

Vigils for Rhonda Pattelena:  York, Maine and Massachusetts livestream simultaneously

Rhonda also loved music. As teenagers, she and her childhood best friend, Kristina DeSimone, shared a favorite band: Hanson. Rhonda even superglued a poster of the band to the door of her bedroom, which remained there until Jessica visited the home after Rhonda’s death. The new owners told her the poster was still on the door, fully intact. The owners couldn’t scrape the poster off — so they cut the block of wood out of the door frame and gifted it to Jessica.

DeSimone said she had known Rhonda Pattelena since they were 4 years old.

“We played ‘Harriet the Spy.’ We would try to get lost on our bikes. We played mermaids when we were little, and we would fight over who gets to be the Little Mermaid … she was just the most hilarious person you’d ever meet,” DeSimone said. “We grew up together.”

Jessica Pattelena said she rummaged through Rhonda’s apartment after her death to collect items and look for clues that could potentially be used as evidence against Buchannan, who Rhonda knew for about eight years. 

Jessica said her sister kept flash cards with medical and psychology terms scattered throughout her apartment, as well as letters in which she expressed hope that Buchannan would change his ways. She gave the relevant evidence she found to the Maine State Police Major Crimes Unit-South, she said.

Enduring a cycle of abuse

Jessica Pattelena said Rhonda’s big heart and her willingness to forgive people were traits her abusive ex-boyfriend, Buchannan, exploited to regularly leave and re-enter her life.

DeSimone said Buchannan had a history of abuse toward Pattelena and would come to Rhonda for help, inevitably taking her money, the roof over her head and her food. The abuse would often start up again after promises were made, DeSimone said.

Before Rhonda and Buchannan had their son, who is now 2 years old, she had gone to the police after Buchannan held her and her two children from a previous relationship hostage for a few days in their home, according to DeSimone and Jessica Pattelena. It was only after he decided to leave for the airport that the family was free, they said. 

Buchannan was arrested after he allegedly held Rhonda at knife-point and forced her to drive him to the airport, where she notified a nearby police officer. Buchannan spent time in prison for kidnapping, Jessica said. 

Criminal records from the Massachusetts Department of Criminal Justice Information Services show Buchannan was convicted of felony kidnapping in 2014, the Portland Press Herald reported. Buchannan served time in prison before his release in 2018. His prior convictions in Massachusetts include theft, possession of cocaine with intent to distribute, and carrying a dangerous weapon.

DeSimone said Rhonda had been seeing a counselor for domestic violence and had filed multiple restraining orders against Buchannan, who ultimately reentered her life about a month before the attack at Short Sands Beach. 

“She just wanted to stay strong for the kids and be a good mother to them,” DeSimone said, “She always wanted the family life. She wanted to be loved. She thought that he would change.”

Growing up, Rhonda and Jessica witnessed domestic violence up close. They witnessed abuse together and experienced it separately — and Rhonda often acted as a source of support for those around her.

When Jessica was brutally attacked by a man while she worked, Rhonda was the driving force that kept her alive, Jessica said. And when DeSimone found herself in a violent relationship, Rhonda helped her escape, DeSimone said. The friends would confide in each other about everything, including their difficult relationships and mental health issues, DeSimone said.

But Rhonda hid her rekindled relationship with Buchannan from them, and she hid physical markers of abuse, according to Jessica Pattelena and DeSimone.

Women are usually embarrassed to admit they keep going back to an abusive relationship, which is probably the reason Rhonda hid it from some of her closest friends and family members, DeSimone said, citing her own experience.

“These types of men know how to cling on, to make you feel like you’re everything to them and then when they knock you down, you want that feeling again,” DeSimone said. “It’s like a drug.”

The day she was killed, Rhonda had video chatted with her mother to tell her she and Buchannan would be visiting York, according to DeSimone and Jessica.

“She said, ‘Jeff wants to see my favorite place and he wants to go to the beach,’” Jessica recalled. 

During their childhood, Rhonda Pattelena and Jessica Pattelena had spent countless summers with their family visiting grandparents, who lived a mile from a beach in York, and Rhonda would often drive up to take care of them in the final years of their lives, Jessica said. 

Ways to support a friend or family member

Both Jessica Pattelena and DeSimone advised others to speak up if they see signs a friend or family member is enduring domestic abuse.

“Just try to be there for them,” DeSimone said. “Don’t try to tell them what to do right away … because they’re not going to listen right away … when they’re ready, seek help.”

Friends and family of victims of abuse are encouraged to contact community-based advocacy organizations, such as Caring Unlimited in York County, to help break their isolation and connect them with safety planning services, according to the Maine Domestic Abuse Homicide Review Panel’s latest biennial report. 

The report also illustrates signs of abuse and tactics of abusers. 

“Domestic abuse is a pattern of behavior over time, not isolated incidents of physical or sexual violence,” the report states. “Perpetrators of domestic abuse use an array of coercive behaviors to assert and maintain power and control over their intimate partners, children, and family members. These behaviors are intentional and designed to enforce compliance through fear, based on the perpetrators’ beliefs that they have the right to limit the human and civil rights of their intimate partners, children, and family members.”

Slow-moving cogs of justice

During Buchannan’s initial court appearance on March 30, York County Superior Court Judge Wayne R. Douglas ordered that Buchannan undergo a mental health evaluation and be held without bail. Buchannan had been scheduled to appear in court May 12 for a status conference in his prosecution for the alleged murder, but the hearing was postponed. 

Buchannan’s defense attorney, Jon C. Gale, asked the judge for a delay of at least 30 days because state authorities have not yet completed their examination of the defendant and issued their report, according to court documents.

The ongoing delay has been a source of frustration for Rhonda’s sister and friend, who believe the evidence against Buchannan is overwhelming and want to see justice for Rhonda as soon as possible.

Jessica said she receives the same response whenever she calls the detective assigned to the case: the delay for an evaluation and court date is because of a backlog in criminal cases due to the COVID-19 pandemic. The detective did not respond to a request for comment.

Maine courts began easing pandemic restrictions on June 1, with more cases being heard in person, but officials are still battling a backlog.

In March, Maine Judicial Branch Acting Chief Justice Andrew M. Mead delivered a report to the Maine Legislature, stating that the currently pending numbers for most case types are up from 2019 levels. 

“These newer cases, added to those cases that were pending when the pandemic hit, have created a backlog, which continues to grow,” Mead writes. 

According to the York County District Attorney Kathryn Slattery, it will take the courts about a year to catch up.

Help is available

Caring Unlimited, based in Sanford, Maine, offers individualized safety planning services to anyone impacted by domestic abuse, supporting thousands throughout York County each year with free programs. The Caring Unlimited hotline is available 24 hours per day: 1-800-239-7298. See information at caring-unlimited.org.