‘I vow to combat for full custody of my children’: I married my spouse THRICE to carry her to the U.S. — she stunned me with divorce
Right now I’m in “Surprised Mode” after my wife suddenly filed for divorce without speaking to me. Even my mother-in-law who lives with us didn’t speak to me about it before my wife submitted. Our relationship has been rocky since around 2015.
A little background: I came to the US on a work visa in 2005 and worked day and night to earn an honest living and to make the American dream come true. During that time, my wife was my friend. I supported her with everything including home, car, allowances, etc. to get her second degree in our homeland so she could thrive in the US too
“We held our civil ceremony abroad in 2007, but it was invalidated by the US embassy due to some anomalous problems.”
We held our civil ceremony abroad in 2007, but the US Embassy invalidated it due to some anomalous issues. We had a church wedding, but we still haven’t corrected the defect of the civil marriage. So we had it canceled and held another civil wedding. We had our valid marriage in 2010. Yes, you got it right – I married my wife THRICE to bring her to the US
Shortly afterwards, my wife became pregnant and had our first child in 2011. In 2014 she had a miscarriage that almost killed her. When I got home from work, she was already passed out and I was able to take her to the emergency room. We finally had a second child.
‘I feel cheated‘
It was still a smooth sailing until 2015 when she started looking for trouble. My brother and his family lived with us temporarily to save money as they had just moved from another state to here in Georgia. We were able to fix things that year, but shortly after she started again, my brother and his family just moved out.
That year, she started working in low-paying jobs in the healthcare sector as she was still unable to obtain her medical license. In 2017 we were able to bring her mother to the USA. I thought it was a start for a better family life, but the opposite happened.
After getting a good job in the medical field, she still decided not to contribute financially. I have already told her to pay for family improvement onward. I have been financially responsible from 2005 until now.
She only pays auto insurance for two cars and groceries while I pay for everything else, including house payments since 2013 and all bills. I’ve paid for all of our cars and our kids’ college money, etc., and I add to everything and everyone in between.
“I’ve paid for all of our cars and our kids’ college money, etc., and I contribute to everything and everyone in between.”
I feel betrayed after having sacrificed my life to make the family better since 2005, and now my wife wants out and wants to redeem all the fortunes I’ve accumulated over the years. Most of all, I am so sorry that my two children are the innocent victims, but I swear to fight for full custody.
It’s hard to think about losing everything like your home, retirement savings, and other assets to someone who hasn’t contributed a single penny. My biggest fear is losing my children. If you have any suggestions or ideas for how to manage my finances during this divorce please let me know.
The law is the law, but all I can say is that not all law is right. It is very unfair that I was a good provider and saver for someone who just brushed it off. Right now I still cry badly just thinking about my children and I still couldn’t think clearly. If you have any advice, please let me know.
Lord very sad
Divorce is like a recession. In fact, divorce rates fell during the Great Recession, likely because filing a divorce petition would be a double blow to a couple’s finances. At least at this final stage of the pandemic, it appears to be doing the same to couples during the coronavirus crisis. Divorce during a pandemic couldn’t be easier, especially when children are involved.
Georgia is a just distribution state. The judge should take into account your respective financial contributions. In states with equitable distribution, wealth is divided based on a variety of factors, including income of each party at the time of marriage, length of marriage, loss of benefits, needs of the custodial parent, and future financial circumstances. In states with joint ownership, the assets acquired during the marriage are divided equally.
“If your wife is a good mother, joint custody should be the solution because it will serve your children.”
For now, put your feelings aside and do what you think is best for your children. If your wife is a good mother, joint custody should be the solution because it will serve your children. You are the real wealth of your marriage, after all. Honor her and I believe the rest will take care of themselves. Additionally, a judge will determine if you are acting from a place of anger and will not kindly consider your application for full custody. You would need a solid reason.
Your wife has been through a lot, physically and emotionally, as you say, and you were there for her. If you could do it all over again, would you do the same? I think you would because otherwise you wouldn’t have your children. It’s not a zero-sum game. So life is. People change. You are unreasonable. They give a lot until they can no longer give, and sometimes they take a lot. In time you will see that this is only one chapter of your journey.
Of course, much is missing from your letter, and it is your version of how you remember and experience it. There are often three versions: yours, your spouse’s, and the version as witnessed by the gods. No one is, without exception, a perfect partner – and challenges like these are mastered better in the search for the soul than when pointing the finger. You will never change other people, but looking at your own words and actions will be the real path to healing.
“There are often three versions: yours, your spouse’s, and the version as witnessed by the gods. Nobody is a perfect partner. ‘
Of course, if you haven’t, ask your wife why she filed and suggest marriage counseling if there is any glimmer of hope. The answers may surprise you. You can learn to feel better. But whatever you learn will benefit you in the future. Proceed with questions rather than allegations. Humility is a welcome starting point as confusion and anger, even if these are the emotions that are consuming you right now.
You didn’t sacrifice your life. You lived your life with the expectation that you would be together forever, but life doesn’t always go the way we plan it. Your wife bore you two children and lost one. We may collect mountains of evidence to hold others accountable for their actions, but what works in a divorce court doesn’t always work in life. And remember that in one form or another you will become parents together.
Without looking at our own decisions and why we made them, we are doomed to repeat them. If your wife is a villain in this play, which I doubt, there will likely have been red flags and reasons why you overlooked her. You have to take responsibility for it. Heroes and villains are usually only found in comics. My suspicion is that the truth is far more complicated and there are no heroes or villains.
Just two people are trying to find out what they want from this life and who they want to spend it with.