Debunking The Fantasy That Good Ladies “Select” Unhealthy Males
There is a misconception by some that women who engage with bad men are doing so on purpose. If you’ve spoken to a self-proclaimed “good guy” on the subject, you’ve probably heard the line, “Women choose bad men”. Blah.
I was working on a web design project for a woman who had written a book about marriage. She is quite conservative, believes that the woman has her place at home, has babies and greets her husband with a smile and a martini after his hard day at work.
I asked her what women should do when husbands don’t come home after a hard day at work. Or what should women do if their husbands regularly hit, kick, or knock them? Her answer: “You should stop choosing bad husbands.” Blah.
Try to introduce yourself if you can. A good woman is sitting at home on Friday night. She’s doing her nails or her laundry when she makes a decision out of the blue. It’s time to start thinking seriously about being a bad man. And off she goes, turning her back on all these “good guys” while she searches the local bar scene or church community for bad men.
I’ve heard that every relationship that comes into our lives is the universe’s way to learn a lesson. I want to reassure those who believe otherwise that we women do not put our hoods on and hope that we will have a relationship with a man who has hard lessons to teach us. It’s not a bad man we’re after; It is a man to love who returns our love. Easy!
Women don’t choose bad men, they choose us. And they know that they have to use certain tactics to catch us, to get us. A wolf in search of prey does not appear in wolf dress. You can bet that the bad man we hooked on will show up all fluffy white with stimuli activated. Sweet little lambs!
What good women choose:
Women fall in love with them because bad men have a special talent when it comes to attracting women. You come out of the dating gate at full speed and pull out all the stops. We women are drawn to men who …
Have a good sense of humor
Show compassion for our problems
Have good manners
Are well cared for,
Make an effort to spend time with us
Offer help when we need it
Look at our feelings
And enjoy the same things we do
Bad men can change the truth, hide their flaws, and become exactly what they think they should be. Falling in love with a bad man playing the role of a good man is damn easy. It is easy to mistake manipulation for real love when a man is sending strong signals that he will be there through thick and thin, good and bad, through health and disease.
When a man’s behavior says, “I love you,” women instinctively believe that it is safe to have an emotional relationship with him. We are safe, it is good and off we go! And then the ride gets bumpy.
What good women get:
You see, bad men don’t show up until you’re his “sure thing”. Once you become his sure thing, the fluff and charm give way to show who he is and what you have become attached to. You will learn things like …
His commitment to other women
His fondness for screaming, screaming and kicking your face
He drinks Jack Daniels like water
How exaggerated his feigned interest in you was
That he’d rather live off you than have a job
He’s more interested in hanging out with his pals, watching soccer, and scratching his nuts than hanging out with you.
His great sense of humor is always at your expense,
He’s a stump who doesn’t like sex (with you), long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, or anything else that would have to take him off his ass long enough to think about anything other than his own needs.
After all, this emotional deception, the hook, line, and sinker tactics you end up with is a good woman wondering how the hell she got to where she is and how can she change the situation. And when I say “situation” I mean him. How does she change him and get back the man she fell in love with? She doesn’t, we all know, but it takes time to learn. She may not have chosen this bad man, but she will choose to get rid of him eventually.
What is a good woman to do?
Loving is a choice, who we love is definitely a choice. We can choose who we don’t fall in love with. Learning to choose who you don’t want in your life leaves room for the man you want in your life. It’s about choosing, choosing and choosing. Love shouldn’t be something that you “fall into”, but something that you do purposefully and skillfully. The better you get at reading his signals, the less likely you are to be manipulated by an evil man.
Lead with your head, not your heart, and focus on these things before moving on to the dark side.
1. Notice his facial expressions and body language. The look on his face and the way he behaves can say a lot, watch out. “To make them look more appealing, men subconsciously organize their clothes. They straighten their tie, brush imaginary dust off their shoulder, and adjust their pants. His mind says, ‘I want to look my best to you,’ and his body responds accordingly, ”says Allan Pease, author of The Body Language of Love.
2. Assess voices for sincerity. Sincerity can be heard in people who are interested, enthusiastic, or passionate about what they talk about and who they talk to. If he’s not sincere, what he says will sound false, hollow, indifferent, frivolous, and cynical.
3. Find out about his social reputation and especially his sexual history. Find out how others know and perceive him, his character and his history of romantic relationships.
4th Do not give up the goods too quickly. Insist on time before having sex. This gives you a larger window of time to judge and evaluate him and is helpful in sorting out the bad men.