One of the most common comments I hear when telling people that I am a mediator is

“It sounds great, but it wouldn’t have worked for me.”

If most studies have shown that mediation is 85% successful, why do so many people assume that it won’t work for their conflict? The answer is that many people believe that difficult conflicts can only be resolved through compromise. by at least one side giving up and admitting at least a partial defeat. When the stakes are high enough, people believe that the only way to reach an agreement or solution is to hit the other side or give in. Sure, if you get along and largely agree it can work, but if you don’t, you can prepare it well for war too. And wars always have clear winners and losers, don’t they?

The power of mediation and the right to collaborate is in how professionals are trained

Help people find answers when they are NOT getting along.

In practice, mediators and collaborative practitioners are specially trained to help people with difficult conversations and to find ways to resolve conflicts that seem insurmountable. In order for mediation and the right to collaborate to work, you just need to be open and willing to do the work to face your conflict rather than hide from it.

The real reason many people have lawyers try for them or judges decide for them is because they are unwilling to face the conflict with the other side, that they are unwilling to have difficult conversations, and that they are Be afraid of failure. Sure, there are some instances where the other side is unwilling to be sensible, but when everyone thinks that way, everyone is unreasonable.

To change your mind, check out this Twitter thread using the example of a conflict over pizza:

Think of it this way: you are at home and you and your partner disagree on something. Let’s say it’s what you should have for dinner. They want to cook homemade pizza and they want to order a pizza. Who is right? 2 /

– Justin L. Kelsey (@skylarklaw) January 28, 2020

For more information on how #mediation and #collaborativelaw actually work, see the following articles:

A success story of collaborative law – 4-part video series

You think of Conflict All Wrong

What does it mean to call yourself a collaborative lawyer?

Improving Negotiations With Collaborative Values: A Checklist Of Tools

Why do people go to court to get a divorce? Because that’s where the money is …